Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
