you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
