You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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