Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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