oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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