TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
