sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
