Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize