I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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