guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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