I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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