Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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