Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
