I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
