are you still at the devil's house?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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