i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize