the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
