I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
