I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
