Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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