I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize