She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
