hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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