btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
