Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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