I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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