I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
