cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i think i just lost a toe
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
