I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
