3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
