On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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