I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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