2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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