Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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