how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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