Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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