There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
