I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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