I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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