she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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