I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize