Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
