I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
