I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
