my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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