Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
