I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
