Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
