Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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