Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
