That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize