i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We got so high we made milksteak
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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