Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
