I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
