listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize