party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
