I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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