i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
