Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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