So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
