new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We are all done wearing pants today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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