it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Randomize
