her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
