Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
