I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
