There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
