I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize