a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
