'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
