we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
