I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
